


Kisses and Blood

by angelsfalling16



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Baz' fantasies play out, Blood, Kisses, M/M, SnowBaz, fifth year fantasies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-16
Updated: 2018-10-16
Packaged: 2019-08-03 06:43:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16321115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelsfalling16/pseuds/angelsfalling16
Summary: A fic based on this quote from Carry On: Those were my fifth-year fantasies: kisses and blood and Snow ridding the world of me.It was requested by @luparoth on Tumblr.





	Kisses and Blood

**Author's Note:**

> Let me apologize in advance for the pain that this will likely cause you. I'm sorry if this hurts you, but thank you for reading.

**Baz**

So, this is it. This is how I die. Covered in blood, both mine and Simon’s, and lying on the ground between the White Chapel and the Weeping Tower. Who would have thought that my fifth-year fantasies really would have played out or that they would play out in this way? He’s kneeling above me with his sword poised above my chest, tears streaming through the blood on his face, and I think back to how this all started.

My aunt Fiona came to visit and told me that it was time. The Families were ready to make their move against the Mage, and I was of course the person who had to carry it out. I am just a pawn that they are using in order to get back the power that they believe belongs to them.

I don’t think they thought I would fail when they tasked me with killing the Mage’s heir. I am pretty sure that they believed that this would be the easy part of their plan.

They were wrong.

They gave me several options for ways that I could kill him, some of which included poisoning his food, murdering him while he slept, pushing him out of our bedroom window, and feeding him to the merwolves.

I couldn’t do any of those things. I couldn’t just kill Simon without giving him the chance to fight back. I didn’t want him to die by my hand, but I couldn’t go against my family’s wishes either.

Simon still follows me sometimes when I head down to the Catacombs, so I took that as my opportunity.

I walked slower than usual on the way there, waiting for him to catch up with me. He followed behind me along the path that led from Mummers House to the White Chapel. Instead of going inside, I stopped and waited for him to get closer.

“This is it,” I told him as I turned around to face.

“This is what?” He asked, coming to a stop a couple of feet away from me.

“This is the end,” I said. I knew that it sounded dramatic, but I didn’t know how to tell him what I was about to do.

“End of what?” He asked. His eyebrows were scrunched up, and he was frowning at me. He looked cute confused.

But I couldn’t think about that. I had to stay focused.

“Everything. Our rivalry, our fighting. This is our final battle.”

“What are you talking about? We aren’t even fighting right now.”

“But we are about to,” I told him, pulling out my wand.

His eyes widened as I pointed it at him, and he began patting his pockets, searching for his own wand. His eyes somehow managed to widen even more as his hands froze. Of course, he didn’t have his wand on him. He never used it anyway, so why would he think to bring it with him?

I lowered my arm and tossed my wand aside into the shadows. If I was going to fight him, it was going to be a fair fight.

“What are you doing?” He asked me, looking in the direction that I threw my wand. It’s too dark for him to see it, though.

“I’m going to fight you.” He tilted his head, still not getting it, and I sighed. “The Families have tasked me with killing you.” I might as well be honest. One of us is about to die, so we might as well get it all out in the open.

“Oh,” he breathed quietly. “And you’re going to do it?”

“Yes,” I said, sounding more confident than I felt.

“Then, why did you just toss your wand over there?” He asked, looking at me like I was an idiot.

“Because I want it to be a fair fight.”

“Why do you care? You’re going to kill me either way, right? You are finally going to get what you want.”

“It’s not what I want,” I admitted quietly.

“Of course, it is. It is what you have always wanted,” he said coldly.

“I have never wanted you to die,” I sneered at him. I was angry that he didn’t understand. I was angry that I loved him. I was angry that I was going to have to kill him.

“Then, why are you doing this? Because your family told you to? You would murder me even though you don’t want to just because they told you to?”

When he said it like that, it sounded ridiculous, but I didn’t have a choice.

“You don’t understand,” I sneered. “You don’t have any family.” It was a low blow. I knew that, but I said it anyway and had to watch as his face fell.

“Even if I did, I wouldn’t kill someone,” he said fiercely, he hands forming fists at his sides.

“If I don’t, they will,” I said quietly. “And they won’t give you a fair fight like I will.”

“Why are you?”

“What?” I ask, taken aback.

“Why are you giving me a fair fight? You could have just killed me and gotten it over with, so why is it that you don’t want to kill me?”

“Because…” I couldn’t tell him, could I? Not then. What would have been the point?

“Because why?” He asked, not letting it go.

“I don’t have to tell you why,” I sneered.

“Then, I won’t fight you. You will have to kill me, and I won’t put up a fight.”

What was he doing? Why wouldn’t he just fight me? We both knew that it would come to this someday, so why won’t he just play his part?

“Because I’m in love with you,” I said harshly.

Then, before he could say anything, I punched him.

I cough up some blood from whatever internal injuries I now have and wonder how I could possibly have this much blood in me.

Simon is still kneeling over me, but he is spinning. I can’t even remember when I last fed. My head is spinning, and I can’t focus on anything except for the fact that the boy who I have been in love with for years is about to kill me.

I could bite him. Drink his blood. Suck him dry. But I won’t. I promised myself that if I ever did that to someone, I would not go on living.  Otherwise, I would have done that before, when I still had the upper hand.

His hands shake as he adjusts his grip on the sword. He should just kill me and get it over with. He licks his lips, but grimaces when he tastes the blood there. His lips still look so soft. At least I will die knowing that they are in fact as soft as they look.

After fighting with just our hands for a while, he summoned his sword. Apparently, he was not as worried about a fair fight as I was.

He pointed it out at me, and I froze. I tried to wipe some of the blood off of my mouth as I waited for his next move. The blood flowing from my nose had slowed, so I thought that maybe he hadn’t broken it again. That would be good if I was going to make it out of this fight alive.

“Do it,” I sneered when he didn’t move.

“No,” he said, lowering the sword to his side.

“What are you doing?”

“I can’t kill you. Not yet,” he added after a moment. “Not until I do this.”

Then, he took the two steps to close the distance between us and kissed me. All I could taste was blood, but it was actually happening.

Simon Snow was kissing me.

I pulled away from him after a few seconds. “Why are you doing this?” I asked him, even though it was killing me to do so. I had always wanted him to kiss me but not like this.

He looked down at the ground, then back up at me, before saying, “because I’m in love you, too.”

“No,” I told him firmly, taking a step back.

“What do you mean? You can’t—.”

“It’s too late,” I told him, even though every word was like a blow to the chest. “This still has to end. One of us has to die tonight.”

He just stared at me for a minute before raising his sword back up. “Fine. If that’s what you want.” It wasn’t what I wanted, but I nodded anyway.

Now, I’m lying on the ground, and he just keeps staring at me. I might be able to knock the sword out of his hand if I tried, but I am too tired. I’m tired of fighting. And if one of us has to die, I want it to be me. I want him to live.

“Carry on, Simon,” I choke out, my eyes falling shut. I can’t bear to look into his eyes as he finishes me off. I take a shaky breath, preparing myself. This is really it. This is how I die.

**Simon**

He tells me to carry on, and I do it. I plunge my sword into the heart of the boy that I didn’t know that I was in love with until tonight. Then, I collapse onto the ground beside him, tears streaming down my face.

For a moment, I consider pulling the sword out of him and using it to kill myself. It would end my own pain.

I don’t, though. I have to carry on, and I have to do it for Baz. I have to help the Mage defeat the Families because of what they have done to Baz. He may have died by my hand, but none of this would have happened if they hadn’t sent him out to do their dirty work. They will pay for this.


End file.
